Posted by Anonymous on 2013/02/21 under Uncategorized All my life I have been the go to person about anything. Having troubles with family, go to me. Having problems with school, go to me. Having issues with yourself, go to me. Its something i have learned to deal with cause I have had to my whole life. I refuse to feel like I have a terrible life, because I dont. There are millions of people on this Earth who have worse lives. But I’m here to vent, and that’s exactly what I need right now. Ever since I was little its just been my mom and me. I dont know my father because my mom dosent want me knowing him, even though the only reason i want to know is because I want to know where i come from. But I think my mom gets scared that if she does tell me, I will leave. I will get up and leave to go find him, because Im all my mom has. Thats where it all began, thats where i became this strong foundation for people. I couldnt ask for more, I love helping people and making them happy. I honestly feel thats the only reason I am here. To make people happy, or fix broken people. I have stopped suicidal people from killing themselves, stopped kids from running away from home, helped my friends with drug problems, or I was just there for the people who needed someone. But im not gloating, i feel thats the reason im here i should do what im best at. But heres the thing no one knows. Im the one who keeps everyone happy and satisfied but im not happy nor satisfied. I find myself being the hardest person to please ever. I may be slightly depressed or very sad but i dont show it because people need me. They need me to keep my cool and keep smiling. I dont cut, im not suicidal because i refuse to give up that easy. But I am sad becuase even though i do all this, i dont feel good enough. I dont feel wanted sometimes even though it is stupid. I hate myself because i feel i do everything that i can possibly do wrong, wrong. Then i hate myself for being so selfish for thinking this is bad. There are so many people with worse lives but im starting to relize i need to pay attention to me too and thats the hardest part. Im not used to paying attention to what i need. Sorry if this seems jambled up and random but these are my thoughts and im just writing them down. Thank you for your time. 🙂